Wow, long title.

Let's see, how is life going?  I called up my lawyer today to find out if she got the papers from Tim, and she just got them today.  At first she said everything was good, then she said she didn't get some agreement.  He was supposed to have it notorized too.  She said she knows he got it because he complained about it.  I remember that too, that's the whole reason why he refused to sign the papers in the first place: the agreement we both came up with regarding visitation and child support amounts.  He said he was sure he sent everything.  My lawyer's secretary said she'd send him another copy, and I told him that if he sent it already and they say he didn't, I'll send him the money to get it notarized again.  I'll even send him a stamp and envelope.  I just want this over and done with already.

My Christmas shopping is complete, I think.  I told my co-worker that I got McKenzie 10 presents, and I wasn't sure if that was enough.  She said she thought that was too many.  I don't know.  In all I probably spent not even $300 on those presents.  I just remember when we were kids, we got tons of presents for Christmas.  But of course, some of those were my parents' presents for each other.  It's sad that this year, all the presents under my tree will just be for McKenzie.  I'm not saying I'm materialistic and want things.  it'll just be the first year I haven't had anything to unwrap.  I know you don't measure how much someone cares about you by what they give you, but it really feels that way around the holidays.  No wonder so many people are depressed this time of year.  And on Valentine's day.  It's so easy to feel unloved when you see every single person around you opening presents and you have nothing.  But then, at the same time, I'm the first one to say that you can't buy someone's love.  Or that giving someone things doesn't substitute for giving them love. 

I'm just jealous.  I'm jealous of happily married or in-a-relationship people who get some small gift from the person who loves them, and I have nothing. I know it's not right to think like that, but I always have.  Maybe it's because I love getting things for other people, no matter what my relationship is to them.  I've always been like that.  If I have money and I see something I know you'd like, I get it for you, and don't expect anything in return.  I shouldn't want other people to do that though, I already know I'm 100% different than everyone else.    

Ok moving on.  I'm finally registering for Winter Quarter Monday!!  Yay.  I've decided I was going to take College Algebra and the first Paralegal Studies course.  The books for those two classes will be $300 with tax, and my brother is only giving me $250.  Financial aid will still pay for tuition and fees, and if I'm lucky, I'll get about $100 back at the end of the quarter.  It's easier to only take two classes this time, because I've never been able to pass Algebra, and I've attempted it 3 times.  It's going to be even harder having to do it online and needing to use the book to explain it to me instead of a teacher.  If it gets to be too much, I guess I'll have to make an appointment to go in to see the teacher for help, or get help somewhere else.  Taking 2 classes means I can't drop any of them, or financial aid won't pay for any of it.  I don't want to risk failing it though, so I'm going to have to work hard on it.  Maybe I'm in a different place now, since it's been probably 6 or so years since I've even looked at a math problem.  Maybe I've gotten smarter in my old age, and it won't be as difficult.

What else...not much else.  Tomorrow my dad is going for chemo and to find out the results of his full body scan that he had done yesterday.  The doctor who did the scan says that she can't read scans but she could tell it spread to his lymph nodes.  From what I read on the internet, it's not really bad unless it's spread to lymph nodes that are far away from the lungs.  I wasn't there, so I don't know if she told them which lymph nodes it was or not.  My mom tends to selectively remember things. 

Looks like next week is going to be another repeat of the past two weeks.  Which will mean I'll have worked...let's see...21 days so far without a day off.  Another week and it'll be almost a month.  Yippy kye ay. 

Right now we're trying to figure out what to do for Christmas.  My mom wants to go to Atlanta on Christmas Eve, but I don't get off until 12:30.  She wants us to go there, which means we won't get there until after 3pm, have dinner, which means we'll leave around 6 or so.  Which means it's bedtime when we get home.  She says she wants McKenzie to open the presents I got her on Christmas Eve.  I wonder how many hours she thinks I get in a day?  Must be a lot more than she has since she thinks I have 8 arms also.  I don't want her to open her presents on Christmas Eve because Santa Claus comes on Christmas Day.  She's 4  years old.  She's way too young for me to bring up the fact that Santa may not exist.  Excuse me for trying to start a tradition with my daughter.  This is our first Christmas at MY OWN HOUSE, and my mom is yellling at me because I'm trying to make things difficult.  I'm sorry, but if my world were perfect (which it has never been and will never be), i wouldn't be working on Christmas, and I sure as hell wouldn't have worked 21 days straight without a day off.  I'd also have a husband and a father to my daughter, to share the joy of the Christmas holidays with.   I'm just trying to make something not difficult and it's not working.   If I had my own way, I'd get rid of everyone else, and just stay at home with my daughter and open presents and have everyone else come to me.  I'm surprised Tim didn't demand that I fly her to Indiana for a couple hours so she could spend part of Christmas there.  Let's try to stretch me a little father, why don't we?

Well, I got a long entry to go with the long title.   I should be good for another few days.  Unless something else pisses me off.

-L.